The choice is not really just black and white anymore, I've found grey.
Music: Kate Perry - Hot n' Cold
Today I've been to one of my meetings at the hospital. The first time I had to go there I was so scared, like they wouldn't belive me, or worse, didn't think I had anything to do there because I wasn't sick enough. I am, apparently. I used to be so scared about what people would say. " I go to meetings at the Psyche-ward" isn't really a good conversationstarter even with your friends if you get my point. We talked a lot about what's been happening over christmas and new years, how I handle the boy I used to date and then of course we talked about some of my eatinghabits. I can't really say that I've stopped anything I used to do before I started to go there. But the thing is I acctually try to, well at least sometimes, change my way of doing things. At the same time I go to read newspapers like aftonbladet, expressen and others and find like a zillion articels about how this NEW diet would work, ways to "do it right" and other things. I've tried to at least not purge as much since the new year and I'm quite proud of myself. The thing is I've gained weight and this kills me. I want to cry, purge, anything not to gain more weight. I also battel with insomnia which of course makes me even more hungry. I just feel so lost and set in my ways sometimes. Like I'm out of hope, but I'm not. I don't miss even one session at the hospital, I try to change things, take charge.
I've cleaned out my closets, like, for real. I really have to much t-shirts and sleeveless shirts. I have only ONE pair of bluejeans since my other pair gave up like yesterday and the fabric was so worn out that it decided to make this big hole on the back of my thigh. Well anyway, the cleaning out my closet thing has been something I wanted to do for quite some time now. I've started the new year by ordering books on how to simplify my life and to get things done. I thought that IF it works perhaps I can cut down on the stress in my life. I also orderd a book about how to become a friend to your own body. I'll let you guys know how I like them later.
Today I've been to one of my meetings at the hospital. The first time I had to go there I was so scared, like they wouldn't belive me, or worse, didn't think I had anything to do there because I wasn't sick enough. I am, apparently. I used to be so scared about what people would say. " I go to meetings at the Psyche-ward" isn't really a good conversationstarter even with your friends if you get my point. We talked a lot about what's been happening over christmas and new years, how I handle the boy I used to date and then of course we talked about some of my eatinghabits. I can't really say that I've stopped anything I used to do before I started to go there. But the thing is I acctually try to, well at least sometimes, change my way of doing things. At the same time I go to read newspapers like aftonbladet, expressen and others and find like a zillion articels about how this NEW diet would work, ways to "do it right" and other things. I've tried to at least not purge as much since the new year and I'm quite proud of myself. The thing is I've gained weight and this kills me. I want to cry, purge, anything not to gain more weight. I also battel with insomnia which of course makes me even more hungry. I just feel so lost and set in my ways sometimes. Like I'm out of hope, but I'm not. I don't miss even one session at the hospital, I try to change things, take charge.
I've cleaned out my closets, like, for real. I really have to much t-shirts and sleeveless shirts. I have only ONE pair of bluejeans since my other pair gave up like yesterday and the fabric was so worn out that it decided to make this big hole on the back of my thigh. Well anyway, the cleaning out my closet thing has been something I wanted to do for quite some time now. I've started the new year by ordering books on how to simplify my life and to get things done. I thought that IF it works perhaps I can cut down on the stress in my life. I also orderd a book about how to become a friend to your own body. I'll let you guys know how I like them later.
Kommentarer
Trackback
